Filed under: Humor, News, Weird Stuff
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In the midst of obsessing over the Chilean miners rescue operation yesterday, we landed on a story about an American doctor who'd been consulting with the Chilean medical authorities: The man is NASA Chief of Space Medicine J.D. Polk Of course, we were instantly captivated at the thought of being able to write "Chief of Space Medicine" on a tax return. But Dr. Polk isn't the only guy whose job title is enviable. It's one of a few positions that would make us feel pretty special to see under our name on a business card.
Chief of Space Medicine
What it sounds like: There's a whole other kind of medicine that we earthlings don't know nothing about: space medicine! And this guy's the chief of it!
What it really is: The Chief of Space Medicine works with astronauts and flight crews at NASA to make sure they're in optimal health and fitness before they go off into space. So, it's earth medicine, but for people in space.
Keep reading to learn about teenage pregnancy implementation managers, gang knife fish choppers, vibe managers and more.
Head of Strength
What it sounds like: You hear "Head of Strength" and you think the guy's, like, a Viking or a Spartan or something. His name should be Olaf or Magnus, and he should be able to lift cars and impregnate women just by looking at them.
What it really is: At most university athletics programs, the head of strength (often, but not always, called "head of strength and conditioning," which sacrifices a little bit of the flavor) is responsible for overseeing the weight room and keeping student athletes in tip-top shape.
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Director of WeatherWhat it sounds like: A friggin' wizard who will drop a blizzard on the village of anyone who tries to cheat him out of his gold, or any person foolish enough to insult his evil, talking cat.
What it really is: A boring old Air Force meteorologist who develops policy and standards for the Air Force's weather support systems.
Teenage Pregnancy Implementation Manager
What it sounds like: [insert off-color joke here]
What it really is: A position offered by the Manchester, England, city council working to implement programs intended to reduce the number of teenage pregnancies. They just left that part out of the description, because whoever is in charge of job listings at the Manchester City Council is secretly a 13-year-old boy.
Vibe Manager
What it sounds like: Some dude at a party in Ed Hardy who wears sunglasses 24 hours a day and tries to instruct people on the proper way of "chilling."
What it really is: A little less douche-y than that. "Vibe Manager" is a person at the Hard Rock Hotel whose job is to keep the atmosphere at the place consistent with the brand's identity -- basically, to make it feel like a different place than a Holiday Inn.
Chief of Future Concepts
What it sounds like: Whatever concepts they come up with in the future, this guy's gonna be the chief of it. Just keep waiting for that future to get here, and you'll have an awesome job.
What it really is: Almost as cool as that, actually. The Chief of Future Concepts for the National Security Space Office is in charge of figuring out what the next set of space-faring technologies will be. Then he or she helps implement them in today's world.
Shadow Chancellor of the Exchequer
What it sounds like: Somebody who works for Sauron, the Dark Lord, and probably rides a spooky horse. He almost certainly has a long, black beard and can make your nightmares come alive while you're awake.
What it really is: So, in the U.K., the opposition party -- that is, the party that's not in power -- has a shadow government, which consists of the people who'll be in charge whenever the current party loses the election. The Chancellor of the Exchequer, meanwhile, is the economic and financial minister in the British cabinet. The Shadow Chancellor of the Exchequer, then, is the guy who'll have that job when the party in power flips. He probably still wears a cloak, though.
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President of Wildlife ForeverWhat it sounds like: All the wildlife in the forest got together and had a vote, and they picked this guy to be their president. Forever and ever, they liked him so much!
What it really is: Wildlife Forever is a habitat conservation nonprofit, and its president writes a column for the organization's website -- and probably manages fund-raising or something. Hopefully he at least still tries to talk to animals.
Gang Knife Fish Chopper
What it sounds like: Four random words, three of which are pretty violent-sounding, thrown into a random order to make whomever holds the title sound scary. Maybe it's some kind of code?
What it really is: Apparently when fish are caught and then prepared for canning, that process is done by hand. The person who does it uses what's called a "gang knife," which is a set of knives that are raised and lowered by hand, to chop them up. Hence, a fish chopper who carries out his trade by the means of a gang knife. Not code after all, but still tough-sounding.
What it sounds like: Four random words, three of which are pretty violent-sounding, thrown into a random order to make whomever holds the title sound scary. Maybe it's some kind of code?
What it really is: Apparently when fish are caught and then prepared for canning, that process is done by hand. The person who does it uses what's called a "gang knife," which is a set of knives that are raised and lowered by hand, to chop them up. Hence, a fish chopper who carries out his trade by the means of a gang knife. Not code after all, but still tough-sounding.
Know another amazing job title? Leave it in the comments.